My Initial Thoughts

At two o'clock on Sunday morning, Virginia died peacefully in her sleep at Sara Reed Retirement Center in Erie. She was alert and conversational until the final hours of her life. Her funeral will be held on Tuesday and Wednesday of this week. My family will be attending the services.

To support this activity, I have created a memorial photo gallery on my Web site. This will become part of a permanent memorial to this page. Considering she was just three months short of 97 years old, A few weeks ago on Mother's Day, she boldly told those of us gathered to celebrate that she had a "full and satisfying life" and was "ready to move on to the next destination." In attendance were her two surviving daughters, Kathy and Lisa, Marilyn and me.

I will repeat the advice of Theodor Geisel, "Do not cry because it is over. Smile because it happened!" We will be smiling this week even as we cry.

Memorial Photo Gallery

Click Here to view the first draft of memorial Web photo gallery.
Click Here to view the photo gallery as a MP4 video with background music. (250 Mb)

Formal Obituary

Virginia Bender Noble, 96, of Erie and formerly of Enfield Lane, died on Sunday, May 22, 2016, at Sarah Reed Retirement Center. She was born on August 24, 1919 in Erie, daughter of the late William K. and Ethel M. Dick Bender.

A Lifelong resident of the Erie area, she graduated from Strong Vincent High School in 1937 and attended Tech Art School, Pennsylvania Academy of Fine Arts, LaSalle School of Interior Design, and Villa Marie College. She worked as a Commercial Interior Designer for Duggan Rider Co. for 20 years, retiring in 1981. Mrs. Noble received the "Distinctive Pennsylvanian Award" through the Erie Businessmen's Association. She was a lifelong artist and at the age of 92 was in a juried show. Until the time of her death she was the oldest living member of Christ United Methodist Church. She was a former member of the Association of Interior Designers and the Businessmen's Association of Erie. Virginia always enjoyed going camping with her family, was an avid reader, and enjoyed playing Scrabble.

In addition to her parents, she was preceded in death by her husband of 61 years, Harold F. "Jerry" Noble, Jr. in 2003, a daughter, Deborah Ann Bliley, and a brother, William Carl Bender.

Survivors include two daughters, Kathryn Marie Noble-Fraley and husband Michael and Lisa Mariam Barczynski and husband Peter, all of Erie; a son-in-law, Charles Bliley and wife Marilyn Swanson of Rochester, NY; two granddaughters, Elizabeth Waring and husband Michael of Rochester, NY and Michelle Graham and husband Jason of Houston, TX; two grandsons, Tom Bliley of Rochester, NY and Michael Barczynski of Erie; three great-granddaughters, Rachel Barczynski of Fairview and Cassandra Peterson and Mina Graham of Houston, TX; and two great-grandsons, Nathan and Adam Waring of Rochester, NY. She is further survived by several nieces, nephews and cousins including her cousin Ronald Roberts and wife Sue of Phoenix, AZ.

Friends may call at the Scott Funeral Home, 2104 Myrtle Street, Tuesday 2 to 4 and 6 to 8 p.m. A service will be held at Christ United Methodist Church, 2615 W. 32nd Street, Wednesday at 11 a.m. The Rev. Ronald Geisler will officiate. Burial will be at Laurel Hill Cemetery. Memorials may be made to Christ United Methodist Church, 2615 W. 32nd Street, Erie, PA 16506; or to a charity of donor's choice.

My Eulogy--May 25, 2016

Introduction

This eulogy was presented at a memorial service at the church she battened for more than 40 years. About fifty people were in attendance. These included family, friends of the family and church members that shared life with her for more than 15 years as participants in a bible study group. This church was also the location for my first marriage to her first daughter, Deborah, on July 6, 1974. It was also a place were we attended and enjoyed several Christmas choral presentations in recent years. In short, it was an emotionally rich place for me. Two others gave brief eulogies before me. They were "tough acts to follow".

The Eulogy

May 25, 2016

By Charles A. Bliley, Son-in-Law Working Draft — Does not contain halberd material.

Today we celebrate the life of Virginia Ann Bender Noble—a long name for a person with a long and rich life. Some may have known her as mother, grandmother, “Grandma No No”, Ginnie, Misses Noble, Virginia, or just “Friend”. I often called her the Greatest Mother-in-Law in the World!” And believe me, she earned that last name.

Her life was influenced more by attitude than by reality. If you knew her well, and dined with her often, as I did over the years, you learned that she considered carbon just another spice used in cooking. If dinner was burned, it was just more flavorful, and never ruined! If that did not influence your dinner satisfaction, then the conversation would.

She loved to chat and was always eager to lean new things from anyone. Topics ranged from life and relationships, religion, history, art and spiritualism. Even with a strong Christian faith, she enjoyed visiting the spiritualists at Lilly Dale enclave on Chautauqua Lake. Some may think she was dancing with the Devil, but I think she was just distracting him from his malicious schemes. Did you have a problem? Just stop by and discuss it with her. She would listen and then offer sage advice on how to deal with it.

Virginia’s life was not blessed with financial wealth or luxury, but she was blessed by love for life and the arts. Her mother encouraged her and her brother in the arts, be it music or fine art. Her mom was a beautician who played the piano and kept a piano in the house in spite of the financial challenges of the Great Depression.

Virginia was a star pupil in high school and was offered an art scholarship to Duke University. She declined because she thought the expenses would exceed family’s bank account. Instead, she decided to attend the Pennsylvania Academy of Fine Arts at the age of 21 in 1939. Her new love, the charming Harold “Jerry” Noble, came to join her in Philadelphia. He got a job at a local newspaper while she went to school.

The beginning of the Second World War interrupted her studies and the lives of millions. Jerry got drafted and a quick marriage was arranged before he left for boot camp and war. She followed him to Washington State to be nearby him until he was shipped out to the front lines.

She waited four long anguishing years for Jerry to return, but never gave up hope for his safe return. And, he did return safely, but their perspective on life was permanently altered, but not their love of life!

The two then began a family that grew to three girls. Virginia got a job with Erie Insurance Company, and soon after joined the Dugan Rider office supply company as a commercial interior designer at the age of 41. She told me she wanted to earn money to help pay for father’s medical expenses. That obligation lasted for seven years, but she never complained about the burden.

She did very well at the Dugan Rider Company and served there for 21 years and spent the last part of her tenure as its president! All this while she and Jerry were raising three children. Talk about a woman quietly breaking the glass ceiling.

She and Jerry loved camping and bought several camping vehicles of various sizes. The girls always went along as they went out seeking the peace, tranquility and beauty of nature. The kids did not always enjoy all of the activities until later in life. I think she was just trying to show them the beauty in nature that she saw and appreciated since her childhood. The lessons were not lost and all three kids enjoyed creating art throughout their lives.

Virginia entered my life forty-four years ago when she introduced me to her daughter, Debbie, at a new student orientation at college and asked me to look out for her at school. Little did I imagine I was embarking on a rich and wonderful trip of 44 years. A few years later, I became her son-in-law and a truly unique relationship began that became ever richer.

Twenty or so years ago, she told me that on the day in my distant past she saw a future son-in-law in me and did not want to loose the opportunity. Hence the request. What a compliment, and what a setup!

A couple of years later and just two months before Debbie and I were to be married, the family home caught fire by the kitchen stove. Most of the family’s personal possessions were damaged, or lost to flames or smoke.

A couple of days after the fire, I visited the burnt hulk of a house to document the carnage for the family history. She and Jerry were looking over the damage as I went about with my photography. Jerry sat in a living room chair depressed by what he saw while Virginia walked around and took stock.

I watched as she raised a brass table lamp with a melted shade and called out, “Cheer up Jerry. We will survive!” I was shocked, and impressed. “Do you really feel that way?”, I asked. She replied “Yes!” I asked her to reenact that gesture of defiance and optimism for the camera. She just smiled and obliged; then I took a photo.

After Jerry suffered a heart attack in 1998 while visiting his sister’s family in Louisville, Kentucky, Virginia began dedicating her life to taking care of him. That support lasted for over three years. It was hard work, a labor of love. Jerry died in January of 2003.

That was followed by the death of her oldest daughter and my first wife, Debbie, a year and a half later. We both entered into a period of deep grief. We began a new relationship sharing our most intimate thoughts and our mutual determination to return to finding joy in life. We chatted almost daily for months. She helped me, and I helped her. Our bond grew tighter, and we got better together hand-in-hand.

Then, I met another wonderful woman and widow, Marilyn, and I asked Virginia if she cared to meet her. She was justifiably reluctant, but ultimately agreed. I brought Marilyn to Erie to meet Virginia and the Debbie’s sisters. Virginia overcame her concerns and after a couple of visits embraced Marilyn in my life, and into her’s. She told me that she wanted me to be happy in life and was willing to bare the potential reminder of why I was sharing life with another woman. Since those days eleven years ago, Virginia fully embraced my new relationship and accepted Marilyn as a loving member of the family.

Virginia’s acceptance and endorsement was one of the most precious gifts I have ever received. It was mutual for Marilyn who felt loved by a new family. How did Virginia do that? It was her character to give love to those who deserved it. She got plenty in return.

Virginia never stopped loving art and painting until the age of 93. In 2012 she “competed” along with daughter, Kathy, in an art competition at Campbell’s Pottery in Cambridge Springs. While neither won, she demonstrated she was still a winner at crafting works of beauty. She often created paintings for friends and family members to grace their homes. Some were portraits and others were scenics or tabletops. Add to this talent, a love of the piano, music in general, and sharing time with people. She loved people! And, they loved her.

A couple of years ago, my elderly cousin asked me what would be the legacy of his life? I pondered and replied…

Your legacy will not be measured by a statue in the town square, nor your name on a public building, but by the smiles and love you gave to those who you knew and strangers that you met. By the support you gave to others and your influence on their lives. It may be intangible, but it will last for generations to come.

Like this man, Virginia affected the lives of countless people. Among them I am confident are those who are gathered here today to honor her.

As I was preparing these remarks, I also reflected on her love of the game of Scrabble. I imagined myself playing the game with her and I had an opportunity to play off the word “LOVE” on the board. I looked at my on the letter tray— the choice was simple and clear.

I smiled and laid down the letters below the “V” in the word LOVE. Those letters were I, R, G, I, N, I, A. From LOVE I created “LOVE VIRGINIA”. How simple and clear.

I asked myself, was this imagination a message to me of love from her as she begins her next great adventure? I think so. But, is it a message meant just for me? I do not think that is the case.

So in conclusion, here is what I imagine would be her closing to the story of her life, LOVE VIRGINIA, to you all.

I see this occasion as sort of a graduation ceremony for Virginia. She moves from one great adventure called life, to another great adventure. Let us now raise our hands and applaud her on a job well done.

As I was working on the fantasy Scrabble game idea I used in the eulogy, I thought it would be fun to play a virtual game with her at the funeral home. After a few minutes, I got an idea. Why not create a Scrabble board with the word "Virginia" as a starting word and present it during the viewing at the funeral home? I got out my Scrabble game and temporarily glued the letters for Virginia on the board in the starting position. Then, I placed the rest of the letters around the border, added a sign inviting visitors to "play" off of the word "Virginia". Over the course of the next few hours eight to ten people took advantage of this fun and enumerable activity. Some words relate to her qualities, interests or abilities. Some are just common words. When it seemed there were no more words to be created, the players got creative with the letters on the border. Here are photos of their efforts.

Playing Scrabble with "Virginia".
Click photos to enlarge.

On our way home from our travels to Florida, we stopped to visit her. It was Easter time and we met with her at Sarah Reed. The weather was not very nice so we stayed inside.

As we were talking about Easter, Virginia broke into singing a little old limerick, "Easter time is the time for eggs, and the time for eggs is Easter time." She was obviously in a good mood, and I asked her to repeat it for me to record. She just smiled and said, "Why not?" I could not think of a reason. I grabbed my camera and recorded a 10-second movie.

Thank you Virginia for expressing your great sense of humor. :-)

Click Here for a QuickTime (.MOV) Version/1.9 Mb
Click Here for an MPEG 4 (.mv4) Version/900 Kb

 

Impromptu Tour of a Neighbor's House

We paid a visit to see Virginia on our way home from a visit with Marilyn's sister's family in Bradford. While we were talking with Virginia, we discussed the changes in the house across the street from her studio apartment. She noticed the painting of the building, an old house, and the infrequent comings and goings of various people and wondered what was going on and wished she could see the interior. Being a curious person myself, I offered to walk across the snowy street and knock on the door and introduce myself. Virginia said, Sure. That would be interesting.", and I was off. I was well received and discovered the house, built in 1907 as a doctor's residence, was now the offices of an advertising agency. I was invited in and and they obliged my request for a tour of the house and to take photographs for a virtual tour for Virginia. I was back to to Sarah Reed and Virginia within an hour to show her and Marilyn the photos. Virginia was very pleased and enjoyed the architectural features, the stain glass windows and the relief artworks on the walls of the "Gentlemen's Lounge" on the third floor. No doubt, this was a game and smoking room for the men who visited the house with its thinly failed Victorian erotic artworks on the walls. Click here for the photo tour.

Portraits of Virginia

Just before we arrived, Virginia had her hair done by the Sara Reed beautician. I thought she looked great and asked if I could take some pictures of her looking so good. She complained that her hair was not quite what she liked it to be, but obliged my request. The result was a series of three delightful photos of her suitable for printing at 5" x 7". For an online viewing gallery, click here, or for a full-sized gallery suitable to downloading and printing, click here. (Caution: The print quality gallery has large files and may take a while to download.)

In May 2013, I discovered some writings of Virginia's about her childhood. They were written as exercises for a creative writing class she was taking at the time. Click here to read them online.

I paid Virginia a visit for Valentine's weekend while Marilyn headed east to see her grandgirls in New Jersey. Virginia is one of my all time favorite Valentine,s and I cold not pass up an opportunity to tells her so in person.

When I arrived, discovered a "studio" set up in the living room and a portrait of a young woman who used to live across the street and was no about to be married. Virginia got a few photos of her and her fiance, and had begun to paint an acrylic portrait of them as a personal wedding gift. This was too got to pass up; I just had to photograph her at work.

I also was working on the TV cables in the basement when I discovered some paintings that I did not recall seeing before. Of course, I had to ask her about these paintings. We spend the next two hours joyfully reviewing them together. She gave me background information on each a I took photos.

Since she was unable to get out to do Christmas present shopping this year, she decided to something different. She made a set of homemade coasters for Marilyn and me. To be honest, they were small works of art and are not going to be used as she intended. They will be used as small works of art and will be hung in our kitchen. Her make-do present was much better than anything she could have bought in a store. :-)

What a joy it was for me to share this time with her discussing her wonderful accomplishments in life. It was also a joy to see she is still able to enjoy painting at the age of 91 and a half!

If you want to see what I discovered, look below.

One of Virginia's cousins, Ron Roberts, could not attend the birthday party planned for August 2009. Wanting to celebrate this important milestone birthday in person, he made a special trip from Phoenix, Arizona where he lives, to Erie, Pennsylvania. Of course, the whole family all wanted to be there, so we all went to Erie -- Tom, Beth Ann with her husband and son, and Marilyn and I. Ron chartered a paddle-wheeled cruise and dinner ship, "The Victorian Princess". It was a grand time in spite of rain at the beginning. We were served a Sunday brunch and spent an hour touring the Erie harbor and the end of Presque Isle State Park, A.K.A. "the peninsula". From that distant vantage pont, we were delighted to see the Brig Niagara set sail.

The food was great, the views unique and the company exceptional. Thank you Ron for your generosity and warmth. :-)

Please check out my gallery of photos of the cruise.